stuff stuff stuff things
I’m working on a piece mobilizing my innate bisexual lasciviousness. It’s mostly done but am thinking I’ll pursue publication in some paper of repute before it ends up here. I’m also working so much it’s making my headspin. I’ve decamped to Simi Valley for aforementioned job so if anyone had any Simi recommendations, I’m looking to drink alone in a bar after 8pm and spend not much money doing it.
It was my birthday on Friday, June 12, shared by such luminaries as Roy Harper, Don Toliver, Dave Franco, Chick Corea, George HW Bush, Egon Schiele, Djuna Barnes, Uta Hagen, Anne Frank, John Steinbeck’s kid who he was very unkind to, Adriana Lima, and Jordan Peterson. It’s also Filipino Independence Day the day OJ allegedly stabbed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, and the day of Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher, Doc Ellis’ 1970 Pittsburgh Pirates LSD no hitter.
As a stopgap I’m listing items which have either vastly improved my life or are actively destroying it by the animal force of covetousness.
I live down the street from Cardinale du Vin, a restaurant I would eat at weekly if I had a bunch more money. I’ve eaten there twice and it’s wonderful. The head chef Paul is a fucking genius and he’s invented this super fine flavor powder, Thaiger Dust. I can’t even begin to tell you what’s in it, it’s fishy spicy sweet limey. Writing this out I can taste it, I yearn to taste it, my whole mouth is swimming in spit. The sensation is akin to arousal. I’ll buy this forever, thank you Paul.
KEWPIE DEEP ROASTED SESAME DRESSING
Just to be upfront, I don’t respect people that buy salad dressing. This is my exception, there is no flavor in the world so wholly fulfilling. This tastes like something you should bottle feed a newborn.
CLUE PERFUMERY WITH THE CANDLESTICK
If you’ve ever wondered why I smell like cinnamon altoids, this is why. Smelled honestly vile, cloying, like cherry cough drops on my friend Megan, but on me it smells like old book, chicory, charcoal in the thurible, pew wood, a burning hot iron poker.
PUMA SUEDE MOSTROS and ADIDAS BOX HOG
I nanny this awesome 10 year old girl during the school year. I haven’t seen her since school broke for summer and it’s breaking my heart I miss her so much. She has unbelievable wit and is a promising young writer. She also has a major attitude problem and we’re working on learning to be more patient with her peers. A nice thing about my rent-a-daughter is that she has terrible taste, to her butter squishy is like Miller Knoll and KATSEYE is like Mahler. Whenever she clowns on my shoes I know they’re drip.
KIMCHI PARTY
The Kimchi at California Market, H Mart, or for godsakes Costco may very well be better but modern life affords us scant opportunities to become red and shrimpscented with our friends.
I have yet to locate a playable copy of the voyager record, CAN ANYONE HELP ME FIND ONE? I yearn for an audial reeducation of intelligent life on earth.
I just think this is a beautiful item of furniture. It would be foolish to buy and ship a little stool that is certainly dense and heavy as a car. I also think it would be a genius gag and maybe an enlightening sexual experience to jack someone off whilst sitting upon the milking stool.
1970s VANILLA SUEDE SHEARLING TIE WAIST TRENCH OVERCOAT
The most foolish thing imaginable I could buy. Imagine a winter 1976, I’ve slipped passed the wall and am hiding out in Oslo. At a cafe by the port, I slide Alexei the dossier across the vinyl table. I’ve forgotten the color of my mothers eyes. I don’t cry anymore.